I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize