My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
