mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
