look no pants
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sext me about skeletons
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
