we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
