the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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