Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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