you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
