areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
