i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
