I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
