Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
