not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
