Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
