The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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