So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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