the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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