I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
