it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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