i barfeds in our rink
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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