I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
