Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
