so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
