I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My room smells like vodka and shame
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
