New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
