this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
