My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
