I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
