hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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