There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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