Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
