I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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