hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
