I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
