All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
