dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
