You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
