I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize