And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
