Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have post one night stand depression
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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