there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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