You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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