i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
