I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
