Quick, to the slutcave!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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