he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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