This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize