thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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