ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
