I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
