Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize