I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
