God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
