i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My feet surprised me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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