i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize