Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Bring me that man meat
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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