Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
