y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
