We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
