I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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