i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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