I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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