How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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