Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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