But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
