My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
