I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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