Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
