is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
