found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
porn star boner night. come get it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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