can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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